What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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