Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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