Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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