I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
