Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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