I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
