You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
