Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
