As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
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You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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