Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
