So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
