She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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