If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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