It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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