He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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