Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
