What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize