Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
