What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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