I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
where does the pee come out of this thing
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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