i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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