I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
