I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
