i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
