areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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