awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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