That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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