You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
