Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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