Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
