Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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