Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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