He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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