we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
