Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
