who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
