It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
