yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
