oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
