the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you never un-have a 4some
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
