so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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