I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
not ubering you a puppy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
