Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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