Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Randomize
