I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
