Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
