Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
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