I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
