I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
