We're facebook friends in real life
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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