Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
