Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
