I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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