So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
