I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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