i permit you to call me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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