i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
