We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
