If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need a burrito and a hug.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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