i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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