farters have to be the big spoon...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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