Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
