She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
