420 ftw
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
