it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.