he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse