home. puking in laundry basket.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
