My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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