this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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