so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
