I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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