i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
