So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
