So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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