Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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